With or without a global pandemic, a parent or ex-spouse forced to pay spousal or child support outside of their means is not living financially sustainably. With such a high financial burden often placed on the husband and father, they are left looking for solutions over time.
Modification of spousal and child support does not mean that you no longer love your children or want to financially assist your ex-spouse in their recovery.
It means that your ex-spouse’s circumstances may have changed and now they are receiving financial assistance elsewhere. It means that the burden may be so substantial that you cannot be an effective parent living in poverty. It means that your children may have grown up and no longer require the financial support that they once did.
Pursuing modification is a step in financial responsibility in a post-divorce life. It should not be a stigmatized event that devalues the financial obligations toward an ex-spouse or children, but rather an event with goals and a realistic financial outlook in mind.
As many families are forced to stay at home, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, many issues, questions and concerns arise regarding timesharing with your children.
If you are going through a divorce, you will most likely encounter divorce mediation at some point. Whether your spouse approaches you early on about going to a divorce mediator or your attorney presents it to you once the divorce process is underway, it is common and can be an effective way to resolve your case prior to going to trial.
Contact the experienced attorneys at Cordell & Cordell to learn more about divorce mediation and why you should consider having an attorney represent you.
What is Mediation in Divorce?
The mediation process helps divorcing couples resolve contested issues. This can apply to various issues, a narrow set of issues, or just one issue. Each issue you resolve means less time at trial.
Mediation always involves a neutral third party – a divorce mediator – who maintains neutrality throughout the process. The mediator’s sole purpose is to help you reach an agreement with your spouse. The mediator doesn’t take sides but works toward building the consensus needed to resolve the conflict.
An effective mediator has experience as a family law attorney with additional training in alternative dispute resolution methods. Often, attorneys devote all or a portion of their practice to it, or judges become mediators once they retire.
Just as it is important to research the person you select as your attorney, it is equally important to select a well-qualified and experienced mediator.
What Are the Benefits of Mediation?
Attending mediation has many benefits for contested divorce cases, including:
Decreases the amount of conflict between the parties
Offers a way to spend less money – litigation is an expensive process.
Less negative impact on minor children, as they see less conflict than they would should tensions rise during the litigation process
Your spouse may be more willing to compromise.
You control the outcome of your case rather than allowing the family court to determine property division, custody arrangements, and spousal support. If the court decides for you, you may not get what you want, and neither will your spouse.
You reach a common ground sooner, thus avoiding divorce litigation, which means you obtain your divorce decree sooner.
At the end of the mediation, the mediators draft a settlement agreement, which is incorporated into your final judgment. Mediation is a cost-effective way to settle as many legal issues as possible during the divorce.
What Are the Disadvantages of Divorce Mediation?
Often, individuals feel that they have missed the opportunity to present facts, evidence, and legal arguments in front of a judge. For some, the litigation process is an important and cathartic part of the divorce process. A successful mediation denies this process.
Another regret is that some feel they might have had a better outcome if their case had gone to court. However, you never know what the court will do in your case because of the numerous variables. The feeling of “buyer’s remorse” can cause regret.
However, the court may not order the amount of alimony you think is fair, may change a parenting plan if you agreed to one, or apply divorce laws that you might not agree with, such as an even split of assets. With a mediated settlement agreement, you can at least avoid court-ordered results that you may disagree with, such as giving your spouse some of your retirement instead of trading it for another asset or not giving you the amount of parenting time you want.
How Much Does Mediation Cost?
The cost of mediation varies based on several factors, including:
The experience and hourly rate of the mediator
The location (county and/or state)
The length of time it takes the parties to come to an agreement.
If you both hire divorce attorneys, divorce mediation usually costs less. Some mediators may also use a flat fee, which also depends on the expected time it will take you to come to an agreement and the location and expertise of the mediator.
Why Work with Cordell & Cordell?
The experienced attorneys at Cordell & Cordell can guide you through the divorce settlement process, divorce mediation process or litigation while explaining the legal process of division of assets, parenting time, co-parenting and other issues involved in getting a divorce.
Client Experience
“[My attorney’s] ability for depositions was great. He’s really good with questions and keeping things on track and organized mentally. He’s a great attorney.” – Jonathan U.
“[My lawyer] did a good job of communicating and you could tell she was very passionate about her job.” – Quinton M.
Cordell & Cordell is an empathetic law firm that tactfully guides men through various family law issues. Contact our team today at 866-DADS-LAW or fill out our online contact form to schedule an initial consultation about your family law matters, including divorce, child support, child custody, division of marital assets, and divorce mediation.
Disclaimer: This page serves as a resource and is not to be taken as legal advice.
When dissolving a marriage, many men struggle to decide whether to settle in an uncontested divorce or to take things to court. Understanding the distinction between these two options is crucial for understanding what the divorce process will entail.
Whether a divorce is contested is not about whether you both agree to divorce, it’s about whether you both agree on the terms of the divorce. The choice between these paths can significantly impact the financial and emotional outcome of the divorce process.
This article covers the basics of contested and uncontested divorces. When you’re ready to begin, Cordell & Cordell is here to help you with your divorce.
The Differences Between a Contested and Uncontested Divorce
Two of the biggest differences between these two types of divorce relate to the cost and speed of the process.
Contested divorces typically are more time-consuming to resolve because there are more disagreements to resolve.
Uncontested divorce generally results in lower legal fees. Furthermore, an uncontested divorce may not be appealable since both parties are in agreement. If a contested divorce cannot be settled by those involved, the judge will have the final say, and those decisions may not align with either party’s wishes.
Whether you believe your divorce is or will be “uncontested” or “contested,” you should consider hiring a divorce attorney to protect your interests.
What is an Uncontested Divorce?
Uncontested Divorce occurs when both parties agree to a divorce and to the terms of a proposed divorce. There is a common misconception that an uncontested divorce refers to the spouses’ willingness to be divorced at all. This is not true.
Uncontested Divorce Example
Uncontested divorce process: Will and Marie are married. Will does not want a divorce, but Marie retains an attorney and files a suit anyway. Will is served with Marie’s petition. In her petition, Marie requests that the court award the family home to her, and Will agrees. Marie’s attorney drafts a more detailed document to finalize the terms of the divorce. Will retains an attorney and they review the document together. Will agrees to a divorce and to all the terms, and he signs it.
The Uncontested Divorce Process
In many divorce cases, the uncontested divorce process is pretty straightforward, although individual states have specific requirements you’ll need to meet, such as residency requirements and waiting periods. Once you meet any requirements, you’ll sign a final marital settlement agreement (MSA) which includes:
A contested divorce case simply is a divorce in which one of the parties has brought a suit for divorce, and the other party does not agree to any or some of the proposed terms of the divorce. It may also be helpful to consider the issues in a divorce, rather than the whole suit itself, as uncontested or contested.
For example, you and your spouse may agree on how you think the property should be divided in one area of the suit but disagree on another, like where the children should go to school. You may save time and money by litigating only those issues on which you disagree.
As another example, if you file a petition for divorce, and your spouse files a counterpetition or other responsive pleading requesting that the court deny your requests, your divorce is “contested.”
Contested Divorce Example
Will and Marie are married. Will does not want a divorce, but Marie retains an attorney and files a suit anyway. Will is served with Marie’s petition. In her petition, Marie requests that the court award the family home to her, but Will thinks they should sell the home and split the net proceeds instead. Will retains an attorney, and his attorney files a pleading requesting that the court deny Marie’s requests for relief.
The Contested Divorce Process
In an ideal world, you’d pursue an uncontested divorce, but realistically that might not happen. In cases where spouses have major disagreements in one or more areas where they just cannot agree, a divorce becomes contested. Here is the process you can generally expect.
Steps to File a Contested Divorce:
File a divorce petition.
One spouse serves the other divorce papers.
The spouse who was served will file a response, identifying areas of disagreement.
A dispute resolution method is chosen (e.g., divorce mediation, collaborative divorce, or trial).
If the case goes to trial, an exchange of information occurs, which is called discovery.
Attend a court hearing.
A settlement conference occurs to see if parties can resolve outstanding issues.
Schedule a trial for issues not resolved without judicial intervention.
Wait for the court’s decision.
Once all issues are resolved, regardless of the method of dispute, you’ll obtain a final judgment where the court signs off to dissolve your marriage, and you receive your divorce decree.
Signs an Uncontested Divorce Needs to be Contested
Even if both spouses have every intention to keep the legal process simple, sometimes even uncontested proceedings go sideways. The following are signs it might be a contested divorce.
Your spouse isn’t responding to your settlement proposal.
One or both spouses let their emotions lead discussions, creating additional disputes.
One or both spouses evade disclosing pertinent asset information.
Mediation or other attempts to resolve differences just aren’t working.
Your divorce lawyer can’t come up with any more ways to get your spouse to settle your case without court intervention.
Why Work With Cordell & Cordell for Your Divorce
The experienced family law attorneys at Cordell & Cordell understand the legal intricacies of common divorce obstacles. Oftentimes, men experience bias, especially with issues such as child custody, financial support, and fair property division. Our clients know we’ll advocate for them every step of the way until the divorce is final.
We’re different from other divorce law firms because we’ve developed a deep understanding of the issues men face during a divorce. We provide our clients with 24/7 access to their cases through our client portal as well as access to a client care representative.
Testimonials
“[Attorney] was very helpful. I had no issues, he was always there for me.” — Louis H.
“I was shocked at the level of communication from [my attorney]. He gave me so many updates, even when there was a lull in the case, he would let me know nothing new had happened. It was fantastic because I knew if the ball was rolling and when it wasn’t. He told me what was good and what was bad and asked me what I wanted to do.” — Stephen B.
We’re Here For Whatever Your Divorce Entails
We are compassionate and understanding attorneys at Cordell & Cordell. Our attorneys aggressively champion your case so that you receive a fair outcome in your divorce settlement. If an uncontested divorce appears impossible, we are prepared to fight for your legal rights and bring your case to trial so you can have your day in court.
Kids need their fathers, just as they need their mothers. It’s a simple, seemingly incontestable truth that children understand and that has been demonstrated by study after study.
Cordell & Cordell Principal Partner Joe Cordell and Litigation Partner Kristin Zurek recently appeared on an episode of Today’s Issues to discuss a number of family law issues and how they relate to Cordell & Cordell’s mission of protecting men during divorce.
It’s not easy for men to talk about their feelings. Unfortunately, divorce is a highly emotionally charged process, and those emotions — the anger, the pain, the betrayal — are going to impact your life whether you want them or not.
Grief is a complicated process, and anyone who has experienced it will tell you that it radiates into every part of your life, even impacting your physical health. At Cordell & Cordell, we are here to support you legally while you work through your divorce.
If you are struggling with your divorce, it might be helpful to read about each of the stages of grief, consider which stage you are currently in, and consider what steps you need to take to progress to the next one. If you need legal representation, the attorneys at Cordell & Cordell are here to advocate for you. To schedule a consultation, call us at 866-DADS-LAW.
Why Divorce Grief is So Painful
Cultural norms can make divorce extremely complicated for men and challenging to overcome.
Statistics show women are much more likely to initiate divorce than men. That shock and wave of emotions can hit like a tsunami, leaving men overwhelmed and unprepared for the next steps they need to take.
According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, divorce is the second-most stressful life event, behind only the death of a spouse. The same stages of grief that accompany the loss of a loved one are also often associated with divorce. Although divorce can actually be a time of great personal growth and reinvention, it is still the death of a relationship and a familiar way of life. As one Reddit user described it:
“Like grieving a death, after going through a divorce, we also grieve the loss of a relationship and the loss of family life. It can look like so many things. Grieving grocery shopping together, or visiting family together or family dinner parties […] Unlike grieving a death, we are grieving someone who still exists and is still around, and it can be difficult seeing them move on or live a life without them.”
Consequently, all this stress and unexpected uncertainty puts men at a great risk of developing serious long-term health problems. Counselors and therapists can play a key role in easing guys through this painful transition, but unfortunately, there is still a stigma surrounding men’s mental health that discourages many men from seeking the help they need.
The Seven Stages of Grief in a Divorce
1. Shock and Denial
In this stage, numbness and disbelief are common. With the denial stage, it’s common to deny the loss to try to avoid the pain you are certain to feel eventually.
2. Pain and Guilt
The initial shock eventually fades and gives way to suffering and hurt. As excruciating as this stage is, it is important to confront your emotions rather than bury them. Don’t hide from your sorrow, and do not try to cope with drugs or alcohol.
3. Anger and Bargaining
Eventually, you move past sadness and experience anger. Individuals in this phase will lash out at others who are blameless. Try your hardest to control this impulse, otherwise, you risk permanently harming other important relationships in your life.
It is common to try to make a deal with a higher power to change your situation. “I promise to be a better husband if you’ll just bring back my ex-wife.” The bargaining stage is a normal feeling.
4. Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness
Many people find the depression stage to be the most challenging hurdle to overcome. Your loved ones may expect you to move on, but you’re struggling with prolonged periods of sadness.
This period is made worse if you’re spending time away from your children.
This is when the true magnitude of your loss starts to dawn on you, causing feelings of despair. While you might be tempted to close yourself off and isolate yourself from others during this time, take steps to make sure you are still moving forward. It might be helpful for you to start journaling and charting your emotions, which can lead to introspective reflection and personal growth.
5. The Upward Turn
Eventually, you are going to start having more good days than bad days. However, certain triggers can make you feel like you’re back at square one, so you’re not completely out of the woods yet.
You will likely experience greater organization, mental clarity, and begin to adjust to your new life.
6. Reconstruction and Working Through
In this stage, you finally start making decisions and plans about your future without considering your former spouse. You’ll start setting goals for yourself and even become excited about the direction your life is heading. You are truly starting to “move on” when you reach this stage.
7. Acceptance and Hope
You’ve reached the finish line! At the acceptance stage, you’ve worked through all your pain and negativity and found a way to accept your loss. This stage might not mean immediate happiness, but overall you are optimistic about life and living a healthy lifestyle.
You are moving forward and continuing to heal every day. In this final stage, you may even find you’re in a place where you’re starting to form new relationships.
Why Work With Cordell & Cordell
Cordell & Cordell understands the unique challenges men face when going through the divorce process. Our attorneys have directly observed a stereotypical bias against men and, while this isn’t malicious or even conscious, it occurs.
As a result, we aim to level the playing field in divorce court. Since 1990, our law firm has grown to become a community of talented legal professionals representing men in more than 100 law offices across the United States. Clients choose to work with us because they know we will aggressively champion their interests, along with those of their children.
Testimonials
“Everything was done well and competently, and everything seemed very above board.” — Philip S.
“Cordell and Cordell has it figured out and stream lined. I liked that I could see everything on the website including documents I had turned it. [My attorney] was great. She was attentive and responsive. She was on top of everything.” — Richard G.
Don’t Go Through It Alone
Divorce is one of the most agonizing events a person can experience. In many cases, men are the ones who leave the family home and need to start completely over. When you work with Cordell & Cordell, you can rest assured you’ll have someone by your side who understands your point of view and will aggressively fight for you.
To schedule a consultation, call our family law firm at 1-866-323-7529 or, if you prefer, fill out our online contact form, and a member of our legal team will be in touch.
In addition to working with our attorneys, we also offer our clients other sources of assistance, including podcasts, town halls, and eBooks. Your legal and financial well-being is a priority for us throughout the litigation and post-divorce.
Cordell & Cordell Principal Partner 
After your divorce there will likely come a time when you’ll want to start looking for a new relationship.
Divorce signals the end of your marriage, but your relationship with your ex-spouse never really ends if you have children.