Key Takeaways
- Mediating contested divorce issues can save you money if you can come to an agreement instead of litigating.
- You are more likely to have a better outcome than allowing the court to decide for you as long as both spouses are willing to compromise.
- Mediation allows for better communication between the parties, even after the divorce process has been completed.
- The cost of mediation depends on several factors.
If you are going through a divorce, you will most likely encounter divorce mediation at some point. Whether your spouse approaches you early on about going to a divorce mediator or your attorney presents it to you once the divorce process is underway, it is common and can be an effective way to resolve your case prior to going to trial.
Contact the experienced attorneys at Cordell & Cordell to learn more about divorce mediation and why you should consider having an attorney represent you.
What is Mediation in Divorce?
The mediation process helps divorcing couples resolve contested issues. This can apply to various issues, a narrow set of issues, or just one issue. Each issue you resolve means less time at trial.
Mediation always involves a neutral third party – a divorce mediator – who maintains neutrality throughout the process. The mediator’s sole purpose is to help you reach an agreement with your spouse. The mediator doesn’t take sides but works toward building the consensus needed to resolve the conflict.
An effective mediator has experience as a family law attorney with additional training in alternative dispute resolution methods. Often, attorneys devote all or a portion of their practice to it, or judges become mediators once they retire.
Just as it is important to research the person you select as your attorney, it is equally important to select a well-qualified and experienced mediator.
What Are the Benefits of Mediation?
Attending mediation has many benefits for contested divorce cases, including:
- Decreases the amount of conflict between the parties
- Offers a way to spend less money – litigation is an expensive process.
- Less negative impact on minor children, as they see less conflict than they would should tensions rise during the litigation process
- Your spouse may be more willing to compromise.
- You control the outcome of your case rather than allowing the family court to determine property division, custody arrangements, and spousal support. If the court decides for you, you may not get what you want, and neither will your spouse.
- You reach a common ground sooner, thus avoiding divorce litigation, which means you obtain your divorce decree sooner.
At the end of the mediation, the mediators draft a settlement agreement, which is incorporated into your final judgment. Mediation is a cost-effective way to settle as many legal issues as possible during the divorce.
What Are the Disadvantages of Divorce Mediation?
Often, individuals feel that they have missed the opportunity to present facts, evidence, and legal arguments in front of a judge. For some, the litigation process is an important and cathartic part of the divorce process. A successful mediation denies this process.
Another regret is that some feel they might have had a better outcome if their case had gone to court. However, you never know what the court will do in your case because of the numerous variables. The feeling of “buyer’s remorse” can cause regret.
However, the court may not order the amount of alimony you think is fair, may change a parenting plan if you agreed to one, or apply divorce laws that you might not agree with, such as an even split of assets. With a mediated settlement agreement, you can at least avoid court-ordered results that you may disagree with, such as giving your spouse some of your retirement instead of trading it for another asset or not giving you the amount of parenting time you want.
How Much Does Mediation Cost?
The cost of mediation varies based on several factors, including:
- The experience and hourly rate of the mediator
- The location (county and/or state)
- The length of time it takes the parties to come to an agreement.
If you both hire divorce attorneys, divorce mediation usually costs less. Some mediators may also use a flat fee, which also depends on the expected time it will take you to come to an agreement and the location and expertise of the mediator.
Why Work with Cordell & Cordell?
The experienced attorneys at Cordell & Cordell can guide you through the divorce settlement process, divorce mediation process or litigation while explaining the legal process of division of assets, parenting time, co-parenting and other issues involved in getting a divorce.
Client Experience
“[My attorney’s] ability for depositions was great. He’s really good with questions and keeping things on track and organized mentally. He’s a great attorney.” – Jonathan U.
“[My lawyer] did a good job of communicating and you could tell she was very passionate about her job.” – Quinton M.
Additional Resources
- What is The Difference: Mediation vs. a Divorce Lawyer: Divorce mediation has many pros and can save divorcing spouses a lot of money over litigation.
- Choosing a Divorce Attorney: Essential Considerations and Questions: Choosing the appropriate divorce lawyer, whether you choose a mediated divorce or litigation, is imperative in guiding you through the decision-making process.
Ready to Mediate Your Divorce?
Cordell & Cordell is an empathetic law firm that tactfully guides men through various family law issues. Contact our team today at 866-DADS-LAW or fill out our online contact form to schedule an initial consultation about your family law matters, including divorce, child support, child custody, division of marital assets, and divorce mediation.
Disclaimer: This page serves as a resource and is not to be taken as legal advice.
Frequently Asked Questions
In addition to the benefits listed above, mediation services can also foster:
- Better communication between the parties
- Reduction of conflict, so the parties need to work together to decide what is best during asset division, custody issues, and determining spousal support.
- The ability to reach agreements on confrontational subjects.
- Less stress for the children as you can come to an agreement faster.
- More flexible, so you can “trade” assets, such as a retirement account you don’t want to divide.
Overall, you have more control over what happens during the divorce process if you can agree on the issues in your divorce. For example, even if domestic violence is involved, you can still work with a mediator as you can be in separate rooms. The mediator goes back and forth between the rooms or can even use CCTV to speak to both parties simultaneously.
While you are in divorce mediation, you should avoid the mistake of bringing up irrelevant information, as it can hurt your case and the chances of a successful mediation. Some items you should avoid bringing up include:
- Past grievances
- Irrelevant information
- Your spouse’s mistakes or annoying habits
- Illegal or unethical actions that occurred in the past
- Accusations, including reasons you believe the marriage failed
- Name-calling, hurtful remarks and insults
- Threats and ultimatums
- False promises
- Unrealistic demands
- Using your children as a bargaining chip
Every mediator has his or her own style, but the general process is the same across the board. Prior to mediation, your attorney will provide the background information about your marriage and the issues you need to work through, usually by forwarding the pleadings in your case.
Some may ask you to sign an agreement that states you’ll keep what is said during mediation confidential and/or that the mediator cannot disclose any of what goes on during mediation in court.
During mediation, you might meet in the same conference room. Some mediators put the spouses in separate rooms for private discussions. If both parties have attorneys, the mediator might ask to meet privately with each party and his or her attorney at the beginning of the session.
Once any housekeeping tasks are completed, the mediator may ask about the issues you must resolve. Once you and your spouse have spoken, the mediator may have questions to better clarify the issues.
During the session, both spouses should be open to compromise and try to understand each other’s viewpoints to make reaching an agreement easier. Just because you understand your spouse’s position doesn’t mean you have to agree with it.
After the session, if you agree on everything you sought to resolve, the mediator drafts an agreement. It might include a parenting plan if one of the issues you discussed was time sharing, for example. If you already have a parenting plan you both agree with, the mediator can incorporate it in the settlement agreement, or the court can incorporate it in the final judgment.
Depending on the complexity of your case, mediation could range from one to multiple sessions. The personality of the parties also figures into the duration of mediation, as it requires both parties to make concessions with the guiding principle that the compromise each party makes is still better than more conflict, uncertainty, and prolonged litigation.
Written by Joseph E. Cordell
Joseph E. Cordell is the Principal Partner at Cordell and Cordell, P.C., which he founded in 1990 with his wife, Yvonne. Over the past 25 years, the firm has grown to include more than 100 offices in 30 states, as well as internationally in the United Kingdom. Mr. Cordell is licensed to practice in the states of Illinois and Missouri and received his LL.M. from Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri. Joseph E. Cordell was named one of the Top 10 Best Family Law Attorneys for Client Satisfaction in Missouri.
