Key Takeaways
Key Takeaways:
- Divorce can be difficult for children, but parents staying together in an unhappy marriage can be even worse in some cases.
- Children typically benefit from having fulfilling relationships with both mom and dad, even if their parents are no longer in a romantic relationship.
- Children of divorce can have a more developed sense of emotional well-being and belonging compared with children of parents who remained in an unhealthy relationship.
Although some couples who are trapped in a loveless, unhappy marriage may think that sticking together is what is best for the sake of the children, the opposite can actually be true. According to the Muskegon Chronicle, children are more perceptive than we often give them credit for and can tell when a situation is deteriorating.
“If the relationship is so unhealthy … it’s not a good situation for the children… We have a tendency to think kids somehow, through their immaturity, don’t understand that something’s going on. There’s a ton of research that shows that’s not the case.” — Susan P. Johnson, chief executive of Every Woman’s Place in Muskegon
Although the statistics point to many marriages in Muskegon County ending earlier than in previous generations, Johnson noted that this was because couples in the 1960s did not have the resources or knowledge to divorce when things reached a breaking point. Children may be better off with parents who split instead of staying together despite many differences, as they will benefit from a more positive environment and less stress.
At Cordell & Cordell, we understand the different stereotypes between mothers and fathers in divorces, so our legal professionals work to even the playing field for men. Take a closer look at how staying together for the kids’ sake in a failed marriage could be the wrong decision.
Should You Stay in Your Marriage for the Sake of Your Children?
Whether staying together for the kids is the right decision can only be decided by the couple, as everyone has their unique situation. While parents remaining together can provide stability and security, it’s becoming more apparent that there are potential negative effects on children regarding their emotional well-being.
Kids are smarter than most adults give them credit for, and they will be able to pick up that something is wrong. Trying to shield them from the failed relationship is delaying the inevitable at best while making it appear as if you are hiding something from them. The relationship you maintain with your children may have a greater impact than the relationship you maintain with their other parent.
Risks of Staying Together for Your Children
Staying together for your children comes with some risks and negative impacts to which you may not want to expose your children. Living with someone you know you are no longer compatible with often leads to increased verbal fights or bickering. Children will notice their parents’ relationship troubles and get misguided ideas about what healthy relationships and marriage are supposed to be like. It is good and healthy to get out of a relationship that does not work, and children will have a hard time learning that if they see their own parents not abiding by that practice.
Deciding on Divorce?
Only you can decide whether divorce is an option.
Is There Any Abuse?
Abuse of any kind is clearly detrimental to children, and they deserve to be shielded from that as much as possible. Any marriage that is abusive should end if changes or corrected behavior are not possible. Abusive spouses often don’t change, especially those responsible for domestic violence.
Do You Think You Can Co-Parent?
Co-parenting with someone with whom you do not have a successful marriage can be difficult. It requires the parents to put their marital satisfaction aside solely for the sake of their children until the kids are grown up and out of the house. This is a tall order and is not always possible for people. While worth exploring, it is understandable if that kind of separation is not possible in the way people live their lives. Kids may ultimately be served better with an amicable divorce rather than their parents staying in an unhappy marriage.
Do You Want to Work on the Marriage?
It’s common for marriages to have problems, and a lot of them can be repaired. If you and your spouse are willing to work on these problems, opting for a divorce may be premature for your family unit. It could be beneficial to try couples therapy first, and make efforts to rebuild the relationship. Essentially, you need to consider whether or not the marriage has deteriorated to the point where it has become irreparable.
How Divorce Impacts Children
Children are impacted by divorce in many ways, though the exact effects will vary based on the child’s age and the relationship they have with their parents. While some negative effects can occur, each parent working on their own individual relationship with the child can outweigh any potential negative consequences that a divorce would cause.
Ultimately, children are impacted in the home by the behavior of others. Splitting from your spouse can be seen negatively by children, but it is possible to make them understand why it needs to happen. Meanwhile, staying together for the kids could create an overall sense of tension in the household that is even worse for children to deal with in their home life.
Additional Resources
- Mental Health and Divorce — Divorce can have a serious impact on the mental health of everyone involved, but there are ways to take control of your own mental health and keep things as healthy as possible.
- I’m Divorced… Now What? – A To-Do List — It’s common to feel lost in the wake of a divorce, but this handy to-do list will make it a bit easier to move on with your life and pursue happiness again.
- Fatherhood: What It Means To Be A Dad — What it means to be a dad will differ for every father you ask, but there are some aspects to fatherhood that are universal.
Why Work With Cordell & Cordell
At Cordell & Cordell, we take an aggressive approach to domestic legal issues, representing men and fathers in an arena that tends to be biased against them. Our attorneys are willing to stand up to that bias and advocate for men in matters of divorce, custody, and children. Take a look at what some of our previous clients had to say about our services.
Testimonials
“The laws are not meant to help you. These folks are a resource that you need on your side. Well worth the investment. After all, divorce has turned into an investment.” — Brian K
“Exceeded expectations! I was always updated along the way, which alleviated some of the stress.” — ST
Unhappy Marriage? We Help Men Through Divorce
If you are in an unhappy marriage, divorce may be the best solution for you and your family. At Cordell & Cordell, we provide men and fathers with an experienced and confident advocate in the family court system that may at times be biased against men. Give us a call at 866-DADS-LAW or fill out our online contact form to schedule an initial consultation.
Frequently Asked Questions
Yes! Do everything you reasonably can to save your marriage. Not all unhappy marriages are irreparable, but it is important to be open to options such as divorce if you determine that nothing can be done to salvage the marriage.
Staying together has some benefits for the children. They will not have to live between two households, and parents may be able to provide a stable environment and financial security for the children. Of course, that only works if the parents are able to put their marital unhappiness aside for the sake of their children, which is difficult.
Every family is different, so there is no universal answer to how your children will view your divorce. Children can react with fear, anger, or surprise, but some cases may be met more positively with relief. More often than not, however, it is going to be difficult for them, so it is important to focus on your relationship with them and reinforce their needs, environment, and security. Remember, some parents may find that their children are harmed more by staying together for the kids than they would be with a divorce.
Written by Joseph E. Cordell
Joseph E. Cordell is the Principal Partner at Cordell and Cordell, P.C., which he founded in 1990 with his wife, Yvonne. Over the past 25 years, the firm has grown to include more than 100 offices in 30 states, as well as internationally in the United Kingdom. Mr. Cordell is licensed to practice in the states of Illinois and Missouri and received his LL.M. from Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri. Joseph E. Cordell was named one of the Top 10 Best Family Law Attorneys for Client Satisfaction in Missouri.
