Key Takeaways
- Men over 45 may need time to recover from divorce.
- Males often have a harder time with divorce right after the divorce, but many recover quicker than women.
- The stresses of divorce can cause depression and anxiety issues.
Life after divorce for men over 45 can often be difficult. Everything you’ve built up for your later years has been divided between you and your ex-spouse. Now, you have less time to prepare for retirement, and you have fewer resources, especially if you have to pay child support and spousal support.
The health of many men is also affected by divorce. However, you can take several steps during a separation or during the pendency of the divorce to protect your financial and physical well-being. Cordell & Cordell can guide you through the divorce process, including determining child support, spousal support, custody issues, co-parenting, and division of property.
How is Divorce Different for Men Over 45?
Studies show that men are more vulnerable to financial and health declines after a divorce later in life. They tend to have lower subjective well-being after a divorce than women. They are established in their careers, often have children, and are used to providing for their families.
Divorce often comes as a surprise to men in circumstances where a woman may notice the decline of the marriage and work to resolve differences. When they cannot resolve the differences, they file for divorce – and the man is often surprised, which causes a decline in overall well-being.
Regarding financial well-being, men who divorce later in life most likely have a home, cars, and a steady job. If the woman has children, it’s more often the man who moves out and starts over, which pauses the ability to save as much for retirement.
What Are Some Common Problems Men Face During Divorce?
The stress of divorcing often leads to issues men face during divorce, including:
- Depression: Often triggered by prolonged stress, depression can overtake a man while going through a divorce and immediately after the divorce, making it longer for him to recover, both mentally and financially.
- Irritability: A common sign of divorce is irritability. While some men may not feel they are depressed, they may show signs of depression by becoming irritable, especially if the divorce made them feel “weak.”
- Anxiety disorders: Fear of the unknown causes anxiety in men and women. However, for a man used to guiding a wife through life and providing for the family, not knowing how to move forward, especially after a first-time divorce, can lead to anxiety disorders.
- Decrease in self-esteem and respect: The emotional turmoil of divorce can also lead to poor self-esteem and respect if the man sees himself as a failure. Loneliness is a large contributing factor to the decrease in self-esteem and respect, as are intrusive thoughts, persistent worrying, and the inability to deal with the uncertainty that comes during the pendency of a divorce.
Emotional stages a man might go through when going through a divorce could include:
- Denial
- Hurt
- Anger
- Not asking for help
- Coping or not coping
- Acceptance
The coping stage sets the man up for success or failure. If he decides he cannot cope with the divorce, it takes longer to accept it, which prolongs recovering financially and mentally.
What Resources Are There to Help Divorced Men Over 45?
Life after divorce for men over 45 is different for every man. Every day can bring a new challenge or success. Some men may finally feel free post-divorce, while others may feel lost, depending on their circumstances during the marriage and their mental health.
If a man is already established in his career and has goals for his later years, starting over may be a temporary downfall. However, with the help of emotional support groups or even a support network of family and friends, he can more easily start a new chapter in his life.
Some ways men, including single dads, can cope and recover more easily include:
- Learning new patterns, such as learning to sleep alone and how to cook and clean for yourself. Some men may even find this liberating, while others may suppress emotions related to being “forced” into new patterns. Emotional support groups or even a friend with a sympathetic or knowing ear can help men through any negative emotions related to learning new patterns.
- Sorting priorities is also part of learning to exist post-divorce, especially for single fathers. While you probably shared priorities with your spouse during the marriage, you now have to determine which priorities are more important and should be done first. Again, the freedom of making your own choices is liberating for some but can be overwhelming for others.
- Getting back into the dating world can also be liberating or stressful, depending on several factors. You will date when you are ready to date. For some, it may be right away, and for others, it might take a year or more.
- Learning to move on means overcoming the grief of losing a loved one. You can suffer grief even if the divorce was your idea and you wanted it. The longer a marriage, the harder it might be for you to move on, especially if you got along for the most part during the marriage. Moving on after finding out your spouse did something wrong during the marriage may be easier for some.
If you are having trouble with your new life, there are many counseling options available to help you face the responsibilities of starting a new life, new relationships, co-parenting, paying spousal and/or child support, and having to start rebuilding your assets.
Why Work with Cordell & Cordell?
Cordell & Cordell’s experienced family law attorneys guide men through the divorce process, whether the divorce is uncontested or contested, and whether the couple has few assets or many, including a business.
Client Experience
“Everything went smoothly. [My attorney] gave me all my options and was always there and available when needed.” — Dale W.
Struggling with Your Divorce? Let Us Help.
Men over 45 may struggle with the after-effects of a divorce, both financially and mentally. Cordell & Cordell is a national family law firm that guides men through various family law issues. Contact our team today at 866-DADS-LAW or fill out our online contact form to schedule an initial consultation about your family law issues, including divorce, child support, child custody issues, division of marital assets, and paying child support after a minor child enters college.
Disclaimer: This page serves as a resource and is not to be taken as legal advice.
Frequently Asked Questions
Whether you pay spousal support depends on several factors. In most states, the court uses its discretion in the amount and length of time when ordering one of the parties to pay alimony. Some of the factors include the incomes of both parties, whether the requesting party needs alimony, the duration of the marriage, and several other factors. Many states are more apt to order temporary as opposed to permanent spousal support, but there again, it depends on your individual circumstances.
Paying child support is based on a formula in your state’s statutes. Some states, such as Florida, may require you to pay child support until the child turns 18 or, if the child has a reasonable expectation of graduating by 19, until the child graduates. Some states may require you to pay support during the child’s college years.
Before you decide whether or not to continue contributing to your retirement accounts, you should speak with an experienced family law attorney. In most states, retirement accounts are considered marital property. Some states may consider the amounts put into the account from the time of marriage to the time of separation or the final judgment as marital property. A family law attorney can advise you on the best path to take regarding contributions to your retirement accounts.
Written by Joseph E. Cordell
Joseph E. Cordell is the Principal Partner at Cordell and Cordell, P.C., which he founded in 1990 with his wife, Yvonne. Over the past 25 years, the firm has grown to include more than 100 offices in 30 states, as well as internationally in the United Kingdom. Mr. Cordell is licensed to practice in the states of Illinois and Missouri and received his LL.M. from Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri. Joseph E. Cordell was named one of the Top 10 Best Family Law Attorneys for Client Satisfaction in Missouri.
