coping Archives | Page 2 of 3 | Cordell & Cordell

Dealing with divorce can be made easier with a few steps

When a marriage falls apart, it can be easy to personally fall apart with it. But Sarah Kelsey, an editor for the Huffington Post, explains that people going through a divorce can dwell on the deaths of their relationships or take steps to heal.

One of the first steps to gracefully navigate life after a divorce is to cancel your plans, Kelsey explains. Life rarely works out the way one thinks it will, so people are better off enjoying the moments and not remembering all of the plans they put in place while they were married.

Admitting personal shortcomings can also lead people down the path to post-divorce redemption. No one is perfect, and admitting faults can help one figure out how or why a relationship crumbled so the same mistakes won’t be made again.

However, Kelsey warns that people should not entirely blame themselves for a divorce. It may be beneficial to forgive an ex-spouse, but it is sometimes even better to forgive one’s self.

It is important to remember that divorced adults are allowed to date, and to love again. Ask Men just advises that people don’t rush into anything.

Letting out feelings can help ease pain of divorce

Divorces can whip up many powerful feelings, especially those of rejection, sadness, anger and loss. However, keeping those emotions inside can do more harm than good, so Monica Medina, in a recent column for the Huffington Post, suggests that people going through a divorce talk to whomever will listen.

During her divorce, Medina said that she talked to friends and family regularly. But one source of talk therapy that she found particularly helpful was talking to strangers.

“It’s easy and gratifying and makes for cheap therapy,” Medina wrote. Some of her favorite impromptu therapists included cab drivers, ushers, cashiers, locksmiths, plumbers and even a psychic at a local state fair.

The benefit of strangers is that they are often too polite to yell, which wasn’t the same for Medina’s family, she found. Strangers are “nice and nod their heads as you talk, taking in everything you have to say,” she explained. “They recognize that when you finally take a breath they can politely excuse themselves.”

According to the Harvard Medical School, talk therapy, also known as psychotherapy, can help people struggling to address emotions and troubling symptoms. Additionally, experiences and feelings that you’re not consciously aware of can come out in these discussions, but it is advisable to see a therapist for the best results.

Bringing children back to school after a divorce

A lot of excitement, anxiety and perhaps dread face children as they head back to school in the fall. However, children whose parents have just gone through a divorce over the summer can face other challenges when returning to school. According to Erin Mantz, a Huffington Post contributor, it is important for recently divorced parents to talk to the child’s teacher.

Parents must balance the right amount of information to share with a teacher because of the sensitive family matters involved. With too much information shared, parents may worry that their children’s teachers might peg the kids as a potential problem because they now come from a broken home. However, just enough information can allow the teachers to keep an eye out for sad moods or erratic behavior.

According to the University of Missouri, teachers can better support divorced parents and their children by creating a welcoming atmosphere in the classroom for all types of parents. The atmosphere should also include involvement by all adults that play an important role in a student’s life. It is also important for teachers to communicate with both parents so no messages are lost and one parent doesn’t feel forgotten.

Tips to keep divorce costs down

Divorce is a costly experience for both parties involved, but there are certain steps that can be taken to keep the financial toll to a minimum, according to Diana Mercer in a recent Huffington Post column.

By being organized, spouses can keep track of all financial records and take a lot of the mystery out of the money situation at hand. Keeping a notebook with labeled dividers is a great way to accomplish this. It is also helpful to have financial records organized by date.

During a divorce, finances may be tight, but it is important to still take time to recharge. Seeing a therapist, going out with friends or playing a round of golf can help keep the mind sharp.

Spouses sometimes try to wage emotional war during divorce proceedings, but it is important not to take the bait and get riled up. Ignoring these attacks can help keep the focus on the financial and legal situation at hand and streamline the process. Getting off track can mean more time and thus more money being spent.

However, New York Life warns that couples should not rush the process. Hurried decisions can lead to long-term consequences that could require more legal help.

Helping male children deal with divorce

Depending on their gender, children often show many behavioral differences. While boys are not always only rough-housing, cops-and-robbers-playing children, and girls are not always just interested in dolls and dress-up, these stereotypes are often adhered to as parents deal with their children emotionally.

However, clinical psychologist Dr. Joseph Nowinski warns in a recent Huffington Post article that the assumption that boys are more thick-skinned than girls could hinder young males as they adjust to divorce.

According to Nowinski, many young children can have trouble expressing their insecurities regarding their parents’ separation or divorce. Some may become increasingly attached to a toy or stuffed animal, have nightmares, wet the bed or imagine monsters. Parents should be sure to give both male and female children the time to work through these anxieties.

“Unfortunately, because they buy into the myth of the tough boy, parents sometimes try to get boys to ‘tough it out,'” Nowinski explained, sometimes forcing them to sleep in their rooms after a nightmare instead of crawling into bed with mom or dad, or another tough love approach.

Provider-Parent Partnerships explains that researchers have found that boys are more affected by divorce than girls, perhaps because society has taught daughters that it is more acceptable for girls to show their feelings.