marital conflict Archives | Cordell & Cordell

Cordell & Cordell’s 5 Ways To Sabotage Child Custody

sabotage child custodyCordell & Cordell co-founder Joseph Cordell relied on his decades of experience to compile for HuffingtonPost.com his list of five common mistakes men make during child custody battles.

“Judges are human and susceptible to biases, including the antiquated preconception that children of divorce are better off living with their mothers,” Cordell shared with HuffingtonPost.com. “So guys cannot afford to fall any further behind when it comes to presenting their case for custody.”

These five mistakes will certainly hurt your custody chances:

  1. Yelling at your wife.
  2. Moving in with a significant other.
  3. Criticizing your wife to friends, family, and children.
  4. Denying telephone contact with mom when the children are with you.
  5. Taking the kids out of the area without warning mom in advance.

If you behave as though the judge were standing next to you each time you interact with your wife and children, Cordell writes, you will certainly avoid the pitfalls that will reduce your custody chances.

Read the full article: “Ways To Sabotage Child Custody

Sticking together for the children may not be the best option

Although some couples who are trapped in a loveless marriage may think that sticking together is what is best for their children, the opposite can actually be true.

According to the Muskegon Chronicle, children are more perceptive than we often give them credit for, and can tell when a situation is deteriorating.

“If the relationship is so unhealthy … it’s not a good situation for the children,” Susan P. Johnson, chief executive of Every Woman’s Place in Muskegon, said. “We have a tendency to think kids somehow through their immaturity don’t understand that something’s going on. There’s a ton of research that shows that’s not the case.”

Although the statistics point to many marriages in Muskegon County ending earlier than in previous generations, Johnson noted that this was because couples in the 1960s did not have the resources or knowledge to divorce when things reached a breaking point, the news source reported.

The Day reported that children may be better off with parents who split instead of staying together despite many differences, as they will benefit from a more positive environment and less stress.

Some couples heading to divorce turn relationships around

When spouses are unhappy, sometimes it is assumed that a divorce is imminent. However, some couples have been able to turn their relationships around, even when they are just steps away from ending their marriages, USA Today reports.

For Rick and Tina DeRosia of Hartford, New York, a divorce was seemingly unavoidable. Years of relationship trouble had finally culminated in divorce proceedings. When they began working out child custody arrangements for their 13-year-old and 11-year-old, and when they considered the financial effect of such a decision, the couple decided to back track and work on their marriage instead.

“I felt moving on was what I needed to do, but … should we try to do more? I thought about the effect it would have on my children,” Tina DeRosia told the publication.

Frank and Julie LaBoda of Wisconsin were about to get a divorce after infidelity ruined their trust. However, a last-ditch weekend away saved their marriage. This specialized getaway helped many couples share stories and change their attitudes in the hopes of reconciling. After a few years, the LaBodas were back on track.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the marriage rate is 6.8 per 1,000 total population, while the divorce rate is 3.4 per 1,000.

Court ordered program teaches divorcing parents how to help children cope

Couples divorcing in Coldwater, Michigan, must attend a court ordered educational program to draw attention to the effects their decisions have on their children, according to the Daily Reporter.

Branch County officials are running the program, dubbed SMILE, or “start making it livable for everyone.” Parents learn about how their marital conflicts affect their offspring and how to best manage the dissolution of their marriages. Not all unions can be saved, but the community in Coldwater is hoping to minimize the impact on the littlest divorce bystanders.

In a recent column for the Huffington Post, child psychologist Joseph Nowinski explained that some key factors can help children survive the emotional impact of a divorce. While he says that divorce “represents a crisis of major proportions for children,” this life change does not have to result in depression, low self-esteem and other issues.

One way parents can spare their children a lot of pain is to resolve conflicts in a counselor’s office rather than in front of the kids. Even before a divorce occurs, relationship issues should be tackled out of view from children.

Wisconsin focuses on children and divorce awareness

Divorce can be a painful experience, but the effect it can have on children is sometimes forgotten. To bring light to the impact of divorce on a family’s kids, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker and Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett have joined together to proclaim next week “Family is Forever – Children and Divorce Awareness Week,” the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports.

According to the news source, there are 16,000 divorces in Wisconsin each year, and many of those occur between couples with children. Many of these children are greatly affected by this experience, but the awareness event aims to show Wisconsin families that the impact doesn’t have to cause a lifetime of pain, helplessness or anger.

One of the tenets of the awareness campaign is to promote collaboration and decency during divorces.

“The guiding principle in collaborative practice is that despite divorce, a family can be forever,” states the news source.

While a collaborative divorce may not be right for every family and every scenario, this family law approach first emerged approximately 10 years ago.

According to Business First, collaborative divorces are growing in popularity across the country, including in Kentucky, as families look to end their marriages without going through a public and emotional court case.