family life Archives - Cordell & Cordell

Staying in touch with a childs ex-spouse

The parents of each spouse can easily become involved in the lives of the newlyweds, as a relationship may grow due to the amount of time that one spends with the couple. However, when they divorce, drama can occur.

Linda Lipshutz, a marriage and family therapist, wrote an article for the Huffington Post describing the potential damage that may occur if a parent tries to maintain a relationship with their child’s ex.

According to the article, a parent has to walk the fine line of deciding whether to maintain the bond with the ex-spouse of their child, especially if this will alienate the son or daughter of this individual.

Lipshutz noted that many parents feel a deep bond with their child’s ex, and have a hard time accepting that it is over, especially if they like the individual.

According to Divorce Community, a mother and father have to realize that the same things apply for the divorcees and the parents of these individuals, as the individuals who are involved in the split need to be treated with sensitivity.

Leave financial advice to the divorce professionals

A divorce can be a complicated minefield of emotional and financial issues, and it is important to seek support from those around you. While family and friends can offer a shoulder to cry on or a helping hand, spouses going through a divorce should look to experts when it comes to the financial aspect of the separation.

According to Forbes contributor Jeff Landers, these tidbits of advice can be detrimental if they regard finances. Sticking exclusively to words of wisdom from others can be dangerous, because every divorce is different, and legal experts and divorce lawyers are trained to know this realm best.

“Each case needs personalized attention and, given the complexities of today’s divorce and finance laws, each one requires much more than an assortment of free tips and casual recommendations,” writes Landers.

Another issue to be wary of is information from non-divorce professionals. For example, while CPAs may be experts in accounting, they may not be able to advise separating spouses on divorce-specific financial concerns.

According to the Oregonian, choosing a financial adviser should be a similar process to selecting a doctor. Considering specific needs, learning a professional’s credentials and specialties and understanding goals can lead to the best results.

Helping male children deal with divorce

Depending on their gender, children often show many behavioral differences. While boys are not always only rough-housing, cops-and-robbers-playing children, and girls are not always just interested in dolls and dress-up, these stereotypes are often adhered to as parents deal with their children emotionally.

However, clinical psychologist Dr. Joseph Nowinski warns in a recent Huffington Post article that the assumption that boys are more thick-skinned than girls could hinder young males as they adjust to divorce.

According to Nowinski, many young children can have trouble expressing their insecurities regarding their parents’ separation or divorce. Some may become increasingly attached to a toy or stuffed animal, have nightmares, wet the bed or imagine monsters. Parents should be sure to give both male and female children the time to work through these anxieties.

“Unfortunately, because they buy into the myth of the tough boy, parents sometimes try to get boys to ‘tough it out,'” Nowinski explained, sometimes forcing them to sleep in their rooms after a nightmare instead of crawling into bed with mom or dad, or another tough love approach.

Provider-Parent Partnerships explains that researchers have found that boys are more affected by divorce than girls, perhaps because society has taught daughters that it is more acceptable for girls to show their feelings.

Longer commute increases chances of divorce

A researcher in Sweden recently found that a long commute can up the risk of divorce.

Study author Erika Sandow of Umea University in Sweden said that a commute of more than 20 miles can increase the risk of divorce by 40 percent. According to UPI, the reason for this increase is that it decreases the commuter’s time with the family and forces the non-commuting spouse to take on more domestic duties, even though the longer commutes led to an increase in earnings.

Sandow said that such findings should be minded as more people are commuting farther to work.

“The trend is definitely pointing upward. Both the journey to work and the working hours are getting longer,” she told the English-language news source The Local. “We don’t know today what the increase in commuting will mean to society in the long run and it is important to look at the social costs involved as well.”

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there were about 840,000 annulments or divorces in the United States during 2009, the last date for which data was available.