August 2011 | Cordell & Cordell

Archives for August 2011

DNA test ordered in Illinois child support case

A judge in Illinois ordered a DNA test regarding a boy involved in a child support challenge. The Madison St. Clair Record reports that Gerald Krug has filed a lawsuit seeking reimbursement for child support that must be paid for a child that he believes is not his. Madison County Associate Judge Dean Sweet ordered the DNA test to get to the bottom of the issue.

Krug filed the lawsuit against Anita Dawn Bogle and David Lofink. Bogle and Krug were married in 1984, divorced in 1993, remarried in 1994 and divorced again in 1999. Throughout the couple’s history, Krug allegedly believed that the sexual relationship between them was monogamous, even when they were no longer married.

After their second divorce, the court ordered Krug to pay child support for the couple’s three children. However, in December 2007, Krug claims that Bogle told him he was not the father of the third child and that the father was actually Lofink. Despite the claims, Krug argues that Bogle has refused a court-approved DNA test.

The test ordered by Judge Sweet will be paid for by Krug.

According to the Reporter of Vacaville, California, paternity tests can not only make child support payments more clear, but the tests give the children needed information.

Grandparents provide needed support for children during divorce

As parents separate or divorce, children can feel great anxiety about the changes in the family structure, but grandparents can provide much needed support, stability and love during this transition, according to Claire N. Barnes in a recent column for the Huffington Post.

Barnes’ organization, Kids’ Turn, started a seminar in 2004 to help grandparents support their grandchildren as divorce or separation looms. The organization’s goal was to simply empower grandparents to be the best support system possible.

Barnes found that several elements of the program proved particularly beneficial. First, Barnes advises grandparents to stay out of the marital dispute. In the best interests of the grandchildren, grandparents should set aside their feelings about either parent. Second, keeping predictable dates with grandchildren will help provide stability in a turbulent time. Third, grandchildren will benefit from constant reminders about how special they are to a grandparent.

“This unwavering validation can offer a child a lifeline when things are rocky,” Barnes explained.

The Lubbock Avalanche-Journal reports that a local nonprofit agency in Texas is offering support classes and group discussions for grandparents who are taking on added responsibility in the family structure or even raising their children’s children. The support program is run monthly by the Family Guidance and Outreach Center.

St Louis organization counsels couples with children during divorce

A divorce can be difficult emotionally and financially for a couple, but this separation can be even more taxing on the family’s children. But according to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, an organization in the region is helping families reduce conflict and co-parent more effectively after a separation or divorce.

Kids in the Middle, located in Kirkwood, is opening a new location in St. Charles to help better serve families in need of the agency’s services.

Read the DadsDivorce.com article on Kids in the Middle: “Helping Children with Divorce.”

The organization begins counseling spouses and families when the decision to separate is reached. Kids in the Middle then stays with each family as they transition through divorce and into their post-divorce lives. The aim is to provide counseling, education and support services that are all geared toward the best interests of the children.

To help parents understand their children’s needs, the agency has compiled a Kids Bill of Rights which declares that all children have the right to a safe, stable and loving environment. To feel this way, children need to express love for both parents, remain connected to both parents’ families, express their feelings and remain a child and not a parental confidant.

Separations can help couples avert divorce

When couples reach the point of separation, it is often assumed that a divorce is imminent, but according to The Wall Street Journal, many marriage therapists recommend separation as a last-ditch effort to save a union.

One couple in Washington spent three months apart after 35 years of marriage to truly understand that their relationship was worth saving. The husband, Mark Earnhart, moved out, and after much soul searching by both parties, the couple got over their bickering and lack of communication and got back together.

Taking a break before the resentment and hatred truly takes hold can sometimes save a marriage, says the publication.

According to dating and relationship coach David Wygant, in a recent column for the Huffington Post, divorces can often be “cured” by taking the time to consider the needs of each spouse before the relationship spirals out of control and both partners emotionally close down.

“Instead of shutting down, putting up your dukes, or setting down your battleground lines – basically letting your ego take over – what if that moment, when everything started going haywire, you actually do the exact opposite of what you normally do? What if, instead, you thought to yourself, ‘What does my partner need right now, what does my partner need today that makes them feel loved, and how can I provide that for them?'”

Letting out feelings can help ease pain of divorce

Divorces can whip up many powerful feelings, especially those of rejection, sadness, anger and loss. However, keeping those emotions inside can do more harm than good, so Monica Medina, in a recent column for the Huffington Post, suggests that people going through a divorce talk to whomever will listen.

During her divorce, Medina said that she talked to friends and family regularly. But one source of talk therapy that she found particularly helpful was talking to strangers.

“It’s easy and gratifying and makes for cheap therapy,” Medina wrote. Some of her favorite impromptu therapists included cab drivers, ushers, cashiers, locksmiths, plumbers and even a psychic at a local state fair.

The benefit of strangers is that they are often too polite to yell, which wasn’t the same for Medina’s family, she found. Strangers are “nice and nod their heads as you talk, taking in everything you have to say,” she explained. “They recognize that when you finally take a breath they can politely excuse themselves.”

According to the Harvard Medical School, talk therapy, also known as psychotherapy, can help people struggling to address emotions and troubling symptoms. Additionally, experiences and feelings that you’re not consciously aware of can come out in these discussions, but it is advisable to see a therapist for the best results.